Saturday, February 17, 2007

Talkers and the Talk That They Talk

It was very tempting to just give Tim Hardaway the next Giant Douche Award. But this site is not meant to be just a collection of douches (ESPN has that covered). Instead I am going in a slightly different direction. Presented here are the top 5 sports people who need to shut the hell up. Now I don't want this site to be all negative (although it fits my sense of humor better). So I am also presenting the top 5 people who should speak more.

Lets start with those who need to shut the fuck up. Narrowing this list down to 5 people was pretty tough. About 98% of people involved in sports talk too much and say really idiotic things. Here's the list:

5. Len Pasquarelli
This fat fuck makes the list for two reasons. One, he hates the Redskins. He blatantly hates the Redskins and their fans. I am not going to go into this in detail. If you want to read more on this, goto ExtremeSkins. Secondly, he allows his hatred to affect his Hall of Fame voting. Basically, he won't vote for Art Monk. Now again, I am not going to get into this because then I will want to break something. Anyone who allows his opinion on a certain team and their fans to affect his vote on the Hall of Fame should not be allowed to vote. For these reasons, Len should just shut up.

4. Mike Tyson
I know a lot of people might disagree with this one. Don't take this to mean that I dislike Mike, but he needs to go off into Bolivion already. Everytime he opens his mouth now, his next prison term gets longer. For his own safety, someone needs to take him to some island where he can't get in trouble and keep him heavily medicated. This is why Mike Tyson needs to shut up.

3. Barry Bonds
Where to start? There are so many reasons why I dislike him. The cheating, lying, and general assholeness of Barry Bonds have been well documented. He lets his friends go to jail to protect him. He cheats. He also talks out of his ass. Not too long ago, he went off calling Boston "too racist" to play in. The kicker, he had never been to Boston. Now it is well known that Boston has had a horribble history when it comes to racism. But things change, they always do. Did he ask Paul Peirce, Asante Samuel, or Manny if Boston was still racist? No. The best part? The Giants come to Fenway this year and I have tickets. I will enjoy this.

2. Shannon Sharpe
I actually have nothing against Shannon Sharpe. He is just really ugly and I can't stand the way that he speaks. No funny jokes, no commentary...just a plea for him to stop talking.

1. Tim Harway
Let me put it this way, I now assume that he is gay. (Quick sidebar: Here at Stupid Angelos, my staff and I love all the peoples of the world with no consideration of their race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. Although there are exceptions: Yankee fans, Cowboy fans, and Jeffery Maier). So right now, Tim Hardaway needs to shut up more than anyone else in sports.

Lets move on to the more positive side of this post. Those in sports who need to speak more. They give us inspiration, humor, and idealism. They are fun to listen to and great to read.

5. Frank Robinson
One of the greatest baseball players ever. He has lived through some shit and come out clean on the other side (yes, I am allowed to quote from Shawshank too. Simmons doesn't own the rights to the damn movie). People should stop what they are doing when he speaks.

4.David Stern
Best Commissioner in sports right now. He rules with an iron fist, is adept at keeping his league in the news, and isn't afraid to take on anyone. He is smart, funny, and rigs the league. (note: I don't really believe this but I want to believe because its really interesting). I get the feeling that when he retires, he will write one of the most interesting sport's books ever. Now if he would just shorten the playoffs....

3. Cal Ripken
Cal has saved baseball before. He speaks with honesty and value, both of which are lacking in our society today. He cares about the game of baseball and about how people approach the game. He owns minor league teams and spends his time with little leaguers because he wants to teach the game correctly. We could all learn a lesson from Cal. He should be more a public figure than he has been.

2. Chad Johnson
This is one funny mutha-fucka. I really don't like it when he gets lumped in with TO. Chad does nothing but work really hard and also get on TV. He doesn't start fights on the bench and he doesn't get arrested (which is very rare on his team). He doesn't fake suicide attempts to get on the news. He is really talented and funny. And he should be more o....HUGH!!!

1. Charles Barkley
Do I really even have to explain this one? The round mound of rebound is just awesome to listen to. I'm not sure its possible for him to be out in the public more than he is already. But I hope he stays there.

Let me know who I missed from both lists....


The Agency said...

HoC, I have a gripe. Shannon Sharpe makes the list, yet no Stuart F'n Scott? I swear if I hear one more boo-yah....

Hustler of Culture said...

Point taken. That's why I said it was tough to narrow it down.

Also, if I see him, I change the channel. So when I create a Hall-of-Fame for this category, he'll be on it...